Before giving a few pointers, I have something important to say. It’s helpful to be well informed on the benefits of breastfeeding. It’s hard to stick to something if you’re not totally sold on it. Breast-feeding out of a sense of guilt or simply because your mother or sister breast-fed will rarely be enough motivation to stick with breast-feeding especially when it gets tough. The breastfeeding class we attended was worth every penny. Not only did it equip us with important information on the benefits of breastfeeding, but also very practical tools of how to breastfeed.
One thing I wish our breastfeeding class covered is how to breast-feed modestly. I’m entirely supportive of other women breastfeeding their babies anywhere a baby needs to be fed. But for me personally, I could not relax enough in a public setting. Try as I might, I was always too nervous, and my nervousness hindered my let-down reflex. I decided that it was more important to breastfeed successfully in private than it was to try to muster up the courage to feed in public.
I imagine there are other women who want to breastfeed, but for whatever reason, do not want to breast-feed in public. I’d rather make sure one more baby gets breastfed than focus on our cultural biases against breastfeeding. I’d rather help a modest woman breastfeed modestly than have her give up breastfeeding entirely simply because she, like me, won’t breastfeed in public.
Side Note: Be sure to establish breast-feeding at home before trying to breastfeed around others. If you’re still struggling to get a good latch, it will be even more frustrating to get your baby on the breast if you’re worried about staying covered or relaxing in an unfamiliar place.
So, here’s my running list of how to breast-feed with modesty. Please feel free to add more tips in the comments section.
1. Use a dressing room.
Instead of hiding out in a dirty public restroom, ask to use a dressing room. Almost all dressing rooms have a place to sit. You don’t have to pretend to try something on, simply ask the dressing room attendant for a changing room where you can sit and breast-feed. In my experience, not only are they quick to offer a room, but will often offer the largest room available. Occasionally there are stores that will turn you away, because they have such a high volume of customers needing the dressing rooms. In such cases it is rarely helpful to argue with the store employee.
2. Use the “Ladies Lounge”.
When I was in high school, my friends and I always used to laugh at one store that had a “Men’s Restroom” and a “Ladies’ Lounge.” The lounge had a nice living room type area with couches and mirrors for doing makeup, and past the couch room there was a regular restroom. It wasn’t until I had my first baby, that I realized how these restrooms were amazing places to breastfeed; possibly even designed with breastfeeding in mind.
3. At family/friend gatherings, ask to use a spare room.
If you don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of your brother-in-law or uncle (for example) ask if you can go feed in the back bedroom. This will give you a nice amount of privacy, and give your baby a break from the over-stimulation that can happen in a crowded room.
4. Breast-feed in the car.
Obviously, use your discretion on whether it is too hot or cold to do this safely. If your car has tinted windows this will add privacy. Our minivan has tinted windows in the back. One time while I was feeding my daughter, I was worried people could see us. When my husband came back out from the grocery store he couldn’t even see if anyone was in the van at all, let alone if I was breastfeeding. But even in a friend’s car without tinted windows, I was able to sit in the back and breastfeed my daughter while she was in her infant seat. I used a blanket to get set up, and then, because I was dressed in layers, I didn’t need the blanket after a minute. When my friend return to the car, even though she could see that was I sitting near my baby, she couldn’t tell that I was breastfeeding.
5. Dress in layers.
I never could find a breastfeeding cover-up that adequately covered me. I wanted one to cover my breasts, and also my stomach. I started wearing two shirts everywhere I went. A spaghetti strap shirt underneath and a stretchy shirt on top. Each time I breastfed, I would lift up the top shirt up over the top of my breast, and pull down the spaghetti strap shirt below my breast. As my baby and I got more established at breast-feeding, I was able cover more and more skin to the point where I really didn’t show any skin at all. One time, in a room full of women, I was nursing my daughter this way. I actually had a woman come up and talk to me all about my baby, we discussed how old she was, how cute her dress was, and even how pretty her eyes were. It wasn’t until I asked my baby, “Are you about done?” that the woman even suspected that I was breastfeeding.
6. Use a skirt.
Now that I have kids, I rarely wear a skirt without wearing shorts underneath it. One day I was wearing a floor-length billowy skirt. When it came time to feed my baby, I didn’t feel like leaving the room, so I decided to pull my skirt up around my shoulders and I discovered the best cover-up I’d ever seen. It covered everything: breasts, stomach, and back!
7. Have your husband/partner/a friend make a shield for you.
Have someone hold up a newspaper,menu, umbrella, blanket, or a jacket while you get your baby latched. If you are dressed in layers, and have a bit of practice, you only need shielded for 10-30 seconds to get started. Or, if you are as shy as I am, you can have them shield you the whole time you’re feeding. Some women find it helpful to have a shield while they get their nursing cover set up, especially when their baby fights with the nursing cover.
8. Ask the staff if there is a place for you to breastfeed.
One time I was at a birthday party in a very loud place full of arcade games. Every time I needed to feed my baby, I hid around a corner, always nervous that someone would walk by and see me. It wasn’t until later in the evening that I came across a private room labeled, “Breastfeeding Mother’s Room.” If I had asked a staff member for help, they could have directed me to this private room much earlier and I could have been spared much nervousness.
So there’s just a handful of ways you can breastfeed even if you’re shy about breastfeeding around other people. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.